Another Year Gone By

Can't believe it's been more than a year since I last wrote. That means it's been that long since I sat down, pause, and connect with myself. So many things changed over a year. A year abroad in my new job is like 3 years of my previous KL life. It's like how in sci-fi films, 10 years in space is 100 years on earth.

There's so much to tell bout 2011, let me try to say it all in one para.

My work travel reduced by half. I got really depressed about being in Singapore so often sometimes. But on the bright side, it gave me a chance to settle, and start living a Singapore life. Finally, I started to like Singapore food, make connections with people and lived like a normal human being with friends to share stories with, laugh, be myself, and feel sad when colleagues are leaving. I moved and met 2 really good housemates. Singapore started to feel homely. My career took me on a roller coaster ride where I was beaten down, carried up and finally, got off the ride with a smile on my face.

Moving on to the next chapter, let me tell you what happened in 2012. I got a promotion (yay!) and relocation to Bangkok (double yay!). Actually, I was reluctant to move. I thought, why didn't this chance come 9 months earlier? I would have jumped at it and feel like it's wish came true. This time around, it took a lot of courage for me to take up the offer. Because I knew what was waiting. It's the lions den, the gates of hell. I knew I will be pulled in all directions, and I knew if I take it, I will not allow myself to fail. Which means, I will not pull the plug even if I know I'm pushed to the edge of the cliff. That's the good and bad about me. Behind the success, is all the band aided wound. You can say I'm a tough girl, or you can just call me stubborn and mean to myself. Everyone deserves a break, everyone should know when to give themselves a break. I wish I knew.

So here I am, sitting in my serviced apartment in Bangkok. I'll try to make it a point to pause and enjoy smaller things in life. Make small talk, tell a joke, ask someone how is your day, make connections with people, lighten up, be the old me and be fun.

Cheers to a new life, another new beginning!

Welcome 2011, with love

I have been a nomad the entire 2010. My desk in my home office was given to me, taken away, reassign another desk, taken away for so many times I lost count. I spent the last day of 2010 packing all my belongings into my box (the most permanent 'furniture' I have) because someone new, who is expected to be more often in the office is coming in Jan 2011 - although my travel intensive projects have ended and I will be spending a lot of time in the office from now on. So now I am back to the spot-the-empty-desk every morning when I step in. Hot desking doesn't work if I am the only person doing it!

I tried (or I subconsciously did) to detach from the things I had, and people that mattered to me, I figure they were bad for me because I couldn't have any of it. Many times, I felt empty and wondered if anyone was really there. If I am gone, will I be missed? I had a lot going on everyday, I kept myself busy, but I was living my life half dead. I love my job but I resent all the circumstances it puts me in. Never a minute I make peace with living out of my home country. I isolate myself emotionally, especially with new people I meet. I don't want to make a connection so that it'll be easier to detach when I need to.

Lesson learned is that the love and attachment to people and things around me wasn't bad for me. It was what kept me going. It's not going to work, trying to run away from the human connection. I was doing everything half heartedly because there was something I hate about everything I love. Everyone needs an anchor, that makes life more meaningful than just about chasing dreams.

For 2011, I will ...
do everything with passion at full blast,
not push away emotions and attachments,
fill my life with all the things and people that matter,
not be afraid to let go, and love,
make my KL home 'home' again

Iphone 4, and learning to live with the least commitment

I finally purchased it online. Why without a plan? Here's the story:

I bought my car when I was in KL thinking I would drive it for years, and I moved in 6 months.
I bought my house and took a year to furnish it completely and only stayed for about another year.
I bought my iphone plan from Maxis, lost my phone in 3 months and relocated 2 months later (and still paying for the plan).

I have no idea where I will be tomorrow. So hell with Starhub that is taking forever to replenish stock, I do not need your subsidy. Why do I even consider the contract in the first place? I am a free soul with no commitment, cheers to the world of freedom!

How I Begin

6 months since I left home,
35 flights,
6 countries.

I never thought I would leave my country. I was very attached to everything I had back at home. The condo, the car, Sunday brunch with my crazy friends, the fun of furnishing my home, and my favourite Ramly burger that's only 5 mins drive away at 3am. Though I always fail to find the substance in my lifestyle , but the everyday things were more than enough to keep me in love with my country.

When I was offered a transfer to the neighbouring country, it was the most difficult decision I had to make. I couldn't bring myself to leave all the comfort I put together for myself over the years and to detach from all the familiarity. I finally took up the offer and ever since, my life and my view about it have taken an entirely different route.

It's now full of possibilities. I do not know where I will be tomorrow, next week or next year. There is no routine, and there is no familiarity. I have uprooted myself so much that I no longer feel attached to anything. I am willing to be posted to any country for any duration. I no longer need a base or any form of security that is permanently there. My hotel room is what I call home. I am his most mobile resource and that is not easy to come across, my boss once said.

Many think that I am having the ideal life for any 25 year old. Jet setting to different countries, travelling for work and having a hell of a time. It is amazing how circumstances change us. It changes your view about life, it changes your take on life. Occasionally I still have trouble recognising what is the substance behind this new lifestyle. If anything, the lack of substance is worse than before since there isn't any 'anchor' anymore. But right now, it's all about exploring the new possibilities and and I have removed the invisible boundary I previously had.

I still don't know where the finishing line is and how I would like it to look like. It's all about making the most out of what's today and making little milestones to keep me going.